Welcome to Tween's Journal

A lot of kids cut themselves, so what's the big deal?

Ashley remembers clearly the first time she cut herself on purpose. After Jeff broke up with her and began going out with another girl, the pain and fury she felt was so raw and agonizing, she thought she’d explode. Alone in her room, she quietly carved Jeff’s initials into her arm with an art knife. As her skin stung and drops of blood trickled off her arm, the pain inside eased and she felt calmer. During the next few weeks, she continued to cut her arms. It seemed to cool her feelings of rage and despair. At first she was ashamed, and was careful to cover the wounds, but after meeting several other teens online who cut themselves, too, she’s beginning to wonder if it’s really a big deal.
    
Cutting is a form of injury that some people do to themselves when they can’t cope with strong emotions that seem too painful to bear—rage, sorrow, rejection, desperation, longing or intense pressure. Cutting and other forms of self-injury, including burning, scratching, picking or pulling at skin or hair, is a big deal. Why?

• Cutting isn’t coping. The “relief” you may feel is temporary and does nothing to solve the problem that triggered the strong emotions in the first place. It’s important to find healthier ways to deal with negative feelings.

• It’s habit-forming. The more you cut, the more you feel the need to do it and the more difficult it becomes to stop.

• It causes scarring, both inside and out. Multiple scars can be disfiguring, and feelings of shame, guilt and low self-esteem can worsen.

• You’re at risk of complications, such as blood loss or infection.

• You raise your risk of accidental or deliberate suicide. You may injure yourself fatally, especially if you cut under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

If you self-injure, confide in your parents, the school nurse or a counselor who can help you get professional help. A therapist can help you find your inner strength and teach you healthier ways to cope.

When Jokes Just Aren't Funny

At first, Kim was flattered when the hot new lifeguard at the pool asked her to join the competitive swim team he was coaching. But now she feels weird around him. When he asked her to come early for practice to work on her starts, he spent more time telling dirty jokes and making comments about her swimsuit than coaching. She’s caught him eyeing her chest as she takes off her cover-up, and he has even touched himself when looking at her. Maybe he’s just flirting, but it has become so uncomfortable that Kim dreads every practice and is considering quitting the team. A friend has told her that the coach’s behavior is called sexual harassment.

What’s sexual harassment? Sexual harassment is unwelcome verbal, visual or physical behavior that’s sexual in nature and is severe or ongoing, or creates a hostile environment. It can include comments about clothing, personal behavior or a person’s body; sexual jokes; repeatedly asking a person out; inappropriate touching; leering; and rude drawings, pictures or e-mails of a sexual nature. Both girls and guys can be victims of sexual harassment—or harassers themselves. If you find yourself in a similar situation, take these steps to try to resolve it:

• Say “no” clearly. It’s not sexual harassment if the behavior is welcome. So it’s important to make it clear to the harasser—through your actions and words—that his or her behavior offends you and you want it to stop. Write a letter if you must.
• Tell a trusted adult. Talk to your parents, teacher, guidance counselor or another person in authority. They can help you report the abuse.
• Write down what has happened. Keep a record of what happens—and when. Write down what the harasser does or says, the date, time, place and names of any witnesses.
• Stay safe. Don’t feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. Avoid being alone with the harasser. Ask a friend to accompany you if you must. Trust your instincts.

Beyond the Piggy Bank

Are you a spender or a saver? Do you run to the mall after opening birthday cards or coaxing a bit of cash from your parents? Or do you have a wad of bills hidden in a sock drawer, saving for some big-ticket item like a new iPod or game system? Either way, learning more about how to manage your money will help you now and in the future. Perhaps your parents are asking you to contribute more toward expenses such as movie tickets, fast food or your softball gear. And it won’t be long before you’ll get your driver’s license (and have to pay for gas). Take these steps to get a grip on your money and develop good financial habits:

• Pump up your income. Talk to your parents about expanding your regular allowance, and seek ways to earn money on a steady basis. Perhaps your occasional babysitting job can turn into a weekly gig. Consider other jobs to earn money: yard chores, dog-walking, pet care, house-sitting, washing cars or decks, or refereeing Little League games.

• Track your spending. For at least a month, keep track of every dollar you spend. Write purchases in a notebook or save receipts for everything you buy. You may be surprised to see where it all goes. Do you spend $3 each weekday for an after-school drink and snack from the vending machine? That’s $540 in just one school year!

• Be a smart consumer. Shop around and compare prices before buying, especially for expensive items such as sneakers or electronics. Watch for sales and use coupons. Shop with a friend so you can take advantage of BOGO (Buy One, Get One free) sales, and split the total cost.

• Open a bank account. Ask your parents to help you open an account where you can deposit your income and save toward a goal. Ask if you can have a debit card with the account. Unlike a credit card, a debit card allows you to spend only the money in your account, so it’s a good way to become accustomed to using plastic without burying yourself in debt.

• Take a money-management class. Learn more by checking out the FDIC’s Money Smart for Young Adults program.